Jorts No More.

Jorts! Cut them, wear them, and love them.  Today's younger generation buy your expensive pre-made "distressed" relatives like the over consumed lambs to slaughter that they can be.  I have been wearing them since I was a teen myself but with a huge difference. I find a pair of old jean and cut them off. With that I have instant old and distressed Jorts and I can use the money saved to buy Band-Aids for my scissor sliced fingers. Confused?  Jorts are Jeans Shorts or known by their original name, Cut-offs. However in this day and age of trending you were given a hipster name, Jorts. This is about as typically dumb as it could be. Today that ends now.

My latest pair of Cut-offs has left the building. They came to their second life about 3 years ago and were naturally named Levis. Wrangler (yes I said Wrangler) or Lee would never do.  The oddest truth is that I love wearing Lee jeans but will only wear Levis Cut-offs. With that I would like to thank the years 1977 - 1983. You did bad things that at times skewer my ability to have rational thought. These dependable and re-fashionable good old boys replaced a variety of competitors.  From the multicolored knee length preppy boys or the solid pastel and golf course ready everyday's to the "I still think I am athletic" sporties in a various sizes and colours.

My Levis Cut-offs  were available for every occasion. We hiked, we rode bikes, we walked and to the horror of some people in Nicaragua we swam in the Pacific Ocean. I shit you not old friend. Most everyone was horrified and commented that they were not a bathing suit. Bathing Suit! They most certainly are. You were everything.

When at the beach when everyone was scrambling to find places for their assorted accessories, places to hang their bathing suits to dry or plastic bags to carry those suits when they did not, you gave me pockets and a great self drying skill while never leaving my side...I mean my butt. You were amazing in your simplicity.

Well the time has come dear friend. You are splitting in places you should not split, your threads that hang like the hair of the 70s we all wore has now pushed the limits of your length. Nobody wants to see that much leg on me. Patching you is not an option. You are tired and have done your job. Well done.

Looking at me today is your replacement ready to spring into action. They are young and willing to sacrifice their legs and start growing the required threats immediately. They have the dark blue that will need to fade in order to be a part of the brotherhood but that will come with time. Its also a face that it is so damn hot here every day that "young blue" will never see the light of day unless they take your place. You too were once young, strong and dark blue. So with that I say good bye my old dependable friend, you have been replaced. You will also be forgotten by the time I finish this coffee.

Why did you disappear dear Cut-offs? Why did all of us let you fall to the wayside while wearing trends to suit consumerism? Why, on your return were you given a dumb ass name and sold over priced because they put "distressed" in your name? W

To honor your rise  like a Pheonix from the ashes of consumerism I bring to you the speech that made it happen. Funerals for your name End Today!